This is a real time diary of events last night (06.40 Monday morning)
It’s 01.30. I’ve been trying to get T into bed since he went to the loo at midnight. He can’t get further than sit in the edge of the bed. Then stands up and moves off. He’s put the bedroom lights full on and keeps going on about which bed should he be in, he’s standing up by the bedroom door. If he goes out of it life will be even more of a nightmare. Tells me repeatedly that I don’t know what I am talking about.
This restless nighttime behaviour is new – he keeps telling me he does not understand what I am talking about when I say lie down in this bed. You want me to get in your bed? No I want you to lie down on the bed you are sitting on / standing by.
You don’t know what you are talking about is what he says.
Lie down in this bed- I pat it with my hand.
He goes to the bathroom and won’t come out so I’m kept wondering what he is doing/ going to do.
Refuses to be guided or helped – swears at me .
He is just standing by the door talking to H. Refuses to come to bed.
This goes on and on in circles. He’s not safe on his feet and he is very wobbly.
Plays with Heidi. The glare of the bedroom lights is full on.
Starts to pull the bedside table across the door – all wiring and electrics muddled up.
I get up and switch off main lights – and move drawers back and then he carries on fiddling.
He doesn’t know what he is doing, he doesn’t understand what he is doing.
I just want to sleep. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider my ability to look after him. And keep him safe when he is not stable on his feet and won’t comply.
He is making endless rattling noises. And chuntering … the lights come on again and he opens the bedroom door. I hiss at him to shut it.
Then I decide if he wants to go wandering off… so what? A few household things will be rearranged.
All this is going on with Tina in room opposite.
i just can’t settle him .
I say if you lie back and lie down. I will switch the lights off.
He says what is the point in that?
Next question (02.10) : So what are we going to do?
We are going to sleep. Lie down …
I’m lying here. T is sitting on the bed. The lights are full on… it’s sheer horror . I’ve been living with him for the last six years as he descends into this black spiral of madness. There is no escape for either of us. But worse for him.
02.56 – he is still sitting on edge of bed lights full on
06.00 the front doorbell rings and neighbour Tracey is standing outside with Tony – minus any outdoor clothing and minus shoes. Soaking wet feet and very cold. Apparently a passing early dog walker found him and must have knocked on the Lee’s door.
So I must have fallen asleep after 03.00 and at some point he took himself out of the backdoor. He is dried off and warming up with Tina looking after him and still refusing to do anything other than sit on the edge of the bed.
He must have been awake all night and must be exhausted.
He has had 2 x TXA, and 5ml morphine around 06.00 .
All doors are now locked from within. Including the front door, which has never been locked from the inside before .
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