Yesterday it was chilly, but this morning the ground was ‘hard as iron,’ it being the somewhat bleak midwinter. All frosty and crystal white layers of this frost are beginning to build up. It was -3°C when I / we awoke.
There was also a thick fog which obliterated everything familiar except shadowy hints of what lies out there in kinder times. H declined to go outside at all. It could wait. Her needs could not be that urgent.
I made some brekkie, in the form of an omlette, and fell asleep again, once the omlette was no more. It was 09.15 when I re-emerged from my slumbers. Well, the night had not been entirely full of sleep, just patchy efforts.
I turned my efforts to cooking my giant beans and filled the instant pot with the beans, potato, celery, pepper, onions and carrots and spice, tomato paste . And far too much water, I was so worried about water absorption. Studied the instructions and set it cooking.
The pot performed as it should for the half hour cooking time, and similar depressurising time, producing wonderfully soft beans and tasty vegetables. But the ‘too much water’ bit created a very tasty broth. Although there’s enough of it to drink as a hot liquid on its own. Or to add to flavour some other dish or other. Much more flavour seemed to have developed.
That was my slupper -late lunch and very early supper combined .
But the preparation was all before my shortish walk and the eating of it was afterwards. Thanks to the jeep warm function.
We couldn’t see much, out and about because the fog and frost still hung heavy. I was glad not to be driving far and remembered that Fleur and Ali would be driving to Derby for the National indoor hockey final tomorrow. Tricky.
Someone on local social media pointed out that dear old Agatha (Christie- and one time local resident) whose statue adorns Kinecroft had acquired eyelashes and a sparkly earring.
I caught up on Casualty before a light doze took over until bedtime arrived.
Thoughts for the Day
This is all a bit sentimental.
Tina sent me a link to an article about how partners in a long marriage can be affected by bereavement. It made an interesting read and I’ve screen shot and highlighted the points I feel relevant to my own situation. Green highlights I share. Pink- I comment on.
pink – I’m not sure I’ve taken on his personality and ways.
green – final highlight – I take great comfort and gratitude in my thoughts about life with T. He never overtly denied me anything I wanted or wanted to do. Apart from denial by his needs in the last few months. I was very fortunate.
shot 2 -pink- dementia meant the recent pattern of our shared life was not of my choosing so I don’t miss it – the trips to and from day care; the nagging to get anywhere on time. Our social circle had also narrowed to one that meant those who were part of it were long time friends or family and they are still steadfast in their friendship – eg – all family; Cretan friends and acquaintances who only knew T with dementia; Andrew, the Byngs, Anne, carers group. I managed to hang onto my own friends through work etc .
Screen shot 3 -pink- I did feel some sort of relief but no guilt. Relief that the dementia was stopped in its tracks. Relief that the suffering from lung cancer was over and that the suffering had been relatively short. And, selfishly, relief that my personal fear of the inevitable unknown was brought to an end.
Do I miss him? Massively . But the thing about our 52 year marriage is that he is a part of me – I feel him there inside me every day and know that he will always be there. So regret – no. Constant comfort, protectiveness and reassurance – yes!
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